Why is she not texting back?

So you’ve just went on a sweet date and you think you did everything right, or you’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster of a relationship, then you get a sinking feeling in your heart as you read your text messages. The cause of this anxiety: one gray word under your text message: “Read”. With no reply from her. This begs the question: Why is she not texting back?

Generally, it doesn’t mean anything. The vast majority (roughly 9 out of 10 times) of read text messages without a reply are a result of the other person being busy. However, if a text message hasn’t been answered for multiple days, especially if there are signals that she is still online, it could mean many things. Let’s dive into these possibilities and possible solutions for this common dilemma:

The most common reason

Over 90% percent of cases of the unreplied text are just the result of the other person being busy or preoccupied. This is a very common facet of modern life – she could be on the phone with someone else, driving or is busy with some other craft, which would make replying to your text less of a priority. Many women only check their cell phones a few times a day and will reply to all their texts at the end of the day. The simple act of being patient will go a long way, since many men nowadays will get frustrated and quit the relationship, thus not doing this will distinguish yourself as a better man in her eyes. In these cases, the worst thing you can do is to continue sending texts that express your concern which will undoubtedly result in awkwardness in the next few days. Rather, this is obviously nothing serious, as there is no emotional damage done and you should receive a reply when she has time. However, if you don’t receive a reply, this doesn’t insinuate anything either since she may have forgotten after reading your text – it is simply not that important to her. 

Other reasons

While the most likely explanation is rather benign, there are other reasons why she may not be texting you back which may imply that there is something wrong in the relationship, or it may signal that she may not want to continue it. Sometimes, people just move on or realise that they cannot pursue a relationship, or in other words, it’s not your problem, its hers. Often, she may have forgotten about you after a few dates, as is common with many relationships that are started online. Or, it is also possible that she may still be fighting her own emotional issues, such as the death of a loved one, a previous breakup or a shift in her career. However insignificant a missed text might seem, here are some other reasons why she is not replying and what you should do in each scenario:

She was never looking for a relationship

Many women who go on dates, especially ones that are solicited by dating apps are simply looking for a hookup, or even a free meal, however shallow that may seem. In this case, there is a zero percent chance that she will ever want to talk to you again, since she has already obtained what she wanted. Thus, unfortunately, the only thing that you can do is to get over it and move on. While this may seem hard to do, the best thing you can do is to remind yourself that you are better than this shallow person and congratulate yourself on avoiding a toxic relationship.

She was looking for a relationship, but changed her mind

On the other hand, she may have started out with the intentions of starting a new relationship with you, however, personal factors got in the way of her decision. These things can include things such as family issues, career stumbles, a recent death of a loved one, or really anything that would obstruct a meaningful relationship in her mind. It could even be as simple as her losing interest over time, and decided on doing other things on her phone instead of you. Like the first case, there isn’t much that you can do, since the problems are on her side and are likely of too great a magnitude for you to change. However, if you do see her in real life, unlike the previous scenario, it can be helpful to ask about her day, which may make her open up to you more and make it easier to pursue a relationship with her in the future. If you suspect that she is avoiding your texts since she is losing interest, try to make yourself It is a bad idea to try to force the relationship in the near future, since she has already decided that it is not worth continuing and ultimately, you should respect her decision.

She was looking for a relationship, but you fucked up

These are the relationships that are worth pursuing through the hardships, she was genuinely interested in you, but you did something to sour the mood. Now this can range from a tiny error to a relationship ending one, both of which you should fix as soon as possible. Women tend to be more sensitive than men, thus you may not have even realised your mistake. Luckily for you, she’ll probably hint towards the reason of her discomfort within a few days, so look out for any signs when speaking to her in person. Some of the common mistakes that we see include:

  • Saying something offensive or rude to her. Now, remember that women are generally much more sensitive and emotional than men, meaning that this can easily be an accident. For example, women generally dislike any jokes regarding their sincerity or body shape. Personally, I had an incident where someone I met stopped talking to me for joking about her picture being Photoshopped! In this case, make it a priority to apologize for what you said, and give it some time before texting her again if she doesn’t text back.
  • It seems like you are cheating on her, although this is (hopefully) not the case. Since this is a relatively sensitive topic to her, she won’t directly confront you about it a lot of the time, rather she will likely just leave you on read and think it over. She can be getting false hints from your phone messages, her friends or any sort of physical interaction, depending on how protective she is. In these cases, try to distance yourself with other women and focus more attention on her, if you want to maintain the relationship, although these sorts of relationships are not always advisable to keep.
  • You did or didn’t do something that went against her expectations. Although this sounds fairly broad, and it is, there are some common expectations from women that we have observed. For example, 34% of women in America expect the man to pay for the first date, no matter what, and not doing so can be the reason why she ghosted you. Depending on the severity, you might not get another chance with her again, however, if you do, it is important to make sure you know what she expects of you during a date.

At the end of the day, not receiving a text back is not the end of the world. For the most part, it’s most likely that something is occupying her time, and nothing to do with you. If not, it is most likely that the circumstances surrounding the missed text are out of your control. However, due to the slightest chance that you may have slipped up and can redeem yourself, make it a priority to pay attention to any slight hints of her being upset, and try to determine the reason behind it.